I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize