Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
