It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
