you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
