just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
