If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
