he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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