I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
