Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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