don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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