Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
