Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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