Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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