I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you never un-have a 4some
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
