I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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