I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
