Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't turn off my feet"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
