I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
