I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
