just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
