You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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