well I can't set my house on fire every night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
