I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
