Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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