everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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