you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
