We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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