i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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