We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
