Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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