I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
