Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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