we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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