She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
