I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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