Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
