STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
