it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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