im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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