How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize