where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
