Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
