Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He shit in the fireplace
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
