I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
