I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
