i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
