And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
