You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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