We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We had sex on a dog bed..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
