You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
