ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
