please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
