1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
