Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
