i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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