I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
