you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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