Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
