there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
