i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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