Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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