Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
