somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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